Cheated, Betrayed and Learning to forgive

Cheated, Betrayed and Learning to forgive

How many people have found themselves in a situation like this?

1. Cheated, Betrayed and Learning to forgive. 

I came across this page awhile ago, after a bad fight with hubby. The pictures and messages I got here sometimes help me calm down a little bit, but most of the time would push me down deeper into despair, and sometimes even strengthen the will to leave him.

When I calmed down, things would quickly go back to the way it was, and I figured I was overreacting.

I figured the reason why my mood got worse when I read this page is because all of the stories and all the advice are from women. And not just women, but women with sad stories, bad history, and gloomy past. Women who are either badly influenced with fairy tail, or sadly influenced with a terrible past. Women who think with their experiences and imagination, not their heart nor their head.

Maybe they way they act or think is not 100% their fault. Maybe they were taught that way. Maybe it was because of some situations or some persons. Maybe that’s the only way they know how to react.

Nevertheless, their actions were bias.

And when a “fault” that got supported by a community, agreed by society, and approved by authorities, it becomes a disaster.

2. When you decide to do something, you should just ask yourself 3 questions:

Is it right to do that?

Is it worth it to do that?

Will I be happy after doing that?

If you can’t answer yes to all 3 questions, then that option is not the best for you. And whatever you do, never regret your decision. Because you did it for you, not anyone else.

When a person give you some advice, they are telling you what they think is the best for them, what they would do in your situation. It doesn’t mean that’s the best for you, or what you should do in that situation. Because no matter who are you listening to, they are not the one who live you life or face the consequences from the decisions you make.

Life are full of choices and possibility. One different choice in one tiny bit different situation will lead you to a different ending. So unless you think it’s right, it’s worth it, and you will be happy with that decision, then don’t do it.

Life is simple. Only human is complicated.

3. A story of a broken marriage

This follower would like help deciding if her husband deserves another chance-

Hey I would just like to ask some advise on what to do because I am torn between two worlds.

Me and my now x-husband met in high school and dated since then. After school I moved in with him. We were the most happy couple there was….or it felt so to me. I found out that he was sleeping with other girls,just randomly. So I left him and started sleeping with other guys as well. After 4months I went back to him. And I don’t know if he was continuing with his ‘deeds’ but the relationship was full of accusements and fighting. I have stopped seeing other guys completely. Then I fell pregnant and we married. Stuff went better and we had the most beautiful baby girl that filled up my world. And I was happy again….I couldn’t care less for my husband coz I had my baby girl that made me happy and we spent all our time together. Me and him had a huge argument and he sent me and my baby away to stay with my parents for a while. After a month he came to take us home. We were happy as a family then,all three of us. And I even got pregnant again!But then a few months in I lost the baby. I hit rock-bottom. I was totally broken. Pushed him away again. And he started sleeping around again. I asked him if we can move somewhere else and we did but things just got worse. He even started using drugs and when he is high he will be abusive to me and my daughter. Things went to such extends that one day I left him to stay with my parents and filed for divorce.We have been divorced for 2years now and he only saw his daughter 5 times – out of own free will. And recently we started texting each other again. Now he wants me to go back to him. Yes I still love him very much-haven’t been able to move on either. I miss him a lot but the question at the back of my mind is…..what will happen the next time that we have a rough patch? Sex and drugs again or maybe hurting my baby? I wish with all my heart that we can be together again but is the past going to repeat itself or can it be better this time? Is it really possible for him to change like he is claiming? I know I have changed for the better,but can I believe him?

I am just so confused and I am hurting all over again. Crying over an unsure future.

Should I move back or not……Does he deserve another chance?

90% of the time, woman said this without even thinking: No, he doesn’t, you deserve much better.

But 90% of these women are the one who had been in love or are still in love with a kind of jerk. They are the ones that made the wrong choice.

Can this situation be prevented? Yes. Not 100% but yes.

Did they prevent it? No.

Women blindly believe in love. Blindly give and receive love. They see movies, stories, novel and make that an ideal love. But they forget that what’s happening in these movies are 1/100, 1/1000, and the men in these stories are hard to find, or long time dead. They forget that movies only show extreme moments of love, and these novels only capture wonderful events. They summarized 1 years, 10 years, 50 years, 80 years into 2 hours of watching or reading. And anyone should know, a summary is not the whole book, why do they assume 2 hours is the whole life?

And women step out of relationship, with broken vision that they built for themselves, and twisted thinking about love.

Because we’re living in a time when something’s broken, you throw it away, not fix it.

Harsh? Yes, it’s harsh. But I’m a woman too.

Love is a depreciation. Love will get smaller and smaller with time and problems in relationship, and will eventually vanish if we do nothing.

3. If you find yourself in a situation like the story above, sit down and think back about “Why did I break up with him?”, not about the good memories you had together.

What you “love” about him is obviously a “him” in the past, a him of memories you can still remember of, not the one that you divorced because if he is then you would still be in a marriage.

You guys haven’t be together for 2 years, so he’s not the one you love, just the past of him that you love about. Who he is right now could be completely different than “the one you loved”, or “the one you divorced”. If he’s changed for the better, then good, but it doesn’t mean that history cannot be repeated.

If you move on and find another guy, there is a chance that he’s better than your ex, but also a chance that he’s worse. If thing get worse, will you run away again by a divorce? No matter what you do, remember: “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Women is the heart of the family. Unless you’re happy then there’s no way your husband or your kids can have a happy and relax life. Don’t do anything because of love, past, your kids,… Do it when you are sure you will be happy and never regret your decision.

A man and his love is a luxurious item. Having one luxurious item will not change your life, it just make you a little more proud, and maybe add some color into your life. But it cannot give you happiness, give you balance or make you perfect. All of that, you would have to do for yourself.

There are women who wait for happiness to come. And there are women who make happiness.


2 thoughts on “Cheated, Betrayed and Learning to forgive

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